It has been a week so far and The Smell Under the House has gotten worse. I now suspect that there is a dead body under there as well. I know that it is not Hubert’s since he is presently fixing the leak. Pardon me . . . leaks . . . as in more than one.
He came at 7:30 this morning, armed with everything except a HazMat suit. That would’ve been the first thing I would have packed, but Hubert, being a handyman, thinks only in hunting metaphors and tool icons.
First thing he did when he arrived was ask me for a plastic cup. It is a good thing I heard the word ‘plastic’ and brought him a used coffee cup from Starbucks. He proceeded to dip the water out of the toilet and pour it into my bathtub. I was horrified until I realized that he could’ve just as easily poured it out in the sink by the toothbrushes.
He then proceeded to take my toilet out of the bathroom and put it in the hallway.
Of course, seeing the toilet in the hallway made me have to pee urgently.
When I voiced my worry, Hubert told me that he had a 5 gallon bucket in his truck.
My first thought was, ‘Just how big does he think my bladder is?’ My next thought was that the only way I was going to be able to use it in privacy was to drag the bucket into the bamboo thicket outside . . . Then I thought, ‘Why even bother with the bucket?’ Thankfully my brain woke up and kicked into gear before I could implement my plan – it was now 8 am – and I realized that I needed to go to a local deli, buy a coffee, and hang around their bathroom until Hubert gave the all-clear.
Before I left, I got a picture of Hubert at work.
In this picture, Hubert is taking out the bathroom floor. Of course, he will have to replace it. The last time he had to replace the floor, he intended to put in some left over tiles from his last job. That last job might have been a prison since the tiles were rubbery, flesh colored, and stain resistant to body fluids such as blood and poo. I had nixed that idea with a panic that bordered on tears. So he let me go to Lowe’s to choose my own replacement tiles.
This time, he is giving me the same courtesy.
Hopefully, Hubert will be finished sometime today.
I am grateful to have Hubert even though he had just told my husband that he ruined the carpet by the back door with “mud”. I am grateful, because if the world was Hubert-less, we’d be under the house doing it ourselves.