Escaping To The Great Outdoors?

Three days ago, Hubert, our landlord’s handyman, fixed the leaking pipes under the house, re-floored the bathroom, and put the toilet back.  The house still stank, but now I didn’t have to loiter anymore at places with public bathrooms and all-day coffee.  I celebrated.

However, I celebrated a little too soon.  That night, having gotten up in the wee hours of the morning as one does when one is 48, I discovered something disconcerting about Hubert’s handiwork.  The toilet wasn’t bolted.  It was like trying to pee in a rocking chair.  I wished that I had turned the light on first . . . and that I weighed less.  Apparenly, Hubert wasn’t as done with the bathroom as I had hoped.

The next day he came back and finished the job, leaving me with the ambitious idea to remodel the rest of the bathroom.  I had a new floor.  I wanted new walls to go with it.  While I went to Lowe’s to pick out the paint (‘lemon chiffon’), Randy scraped the walls and removed the hardware from the vanity drawers.  When I came back, I found a totally denuded bathroom with paint flecks on every surface and no way to open the cabinets.  And no way to get at the toilet paper Randy had secreted in them.  I found that last part out at a particularly inconvenient moment.

That was two days ago.  Yesterday, I painted the bathroom.  It was a far more painful experience than I had anticipated.  Sitting on the floor and bending over until my nose touched my knees just to paint the baseboard behind the toilet did something unnatural to the rest of my body. . . especially my calves.  I’ve been groaning and shuffling around like a 90-year-old mental patient today. . . 


. . . But, thankfully, at least now I have somewhere to sit down. . .

It was all finished just in time, too.  Tomorrow my out-of-town cousin will be visiting my home for the first time.  We will have a family cook-out in my backyard – family consisting of my mother, my brother Dennis, his two kids, Cousin Phoebe, Randy, and myself.  Unfortunately, the Smell hasn’t quite disappeared. . . Hence the cook -OUT. 

I can only hope that the aroma of cooking food tomorrow doesn’t mingle with the odor of swamp wafting out from under our house.  Talk about putting people off their dinners.  I would hate it if hamburgers became inextricably linked to porta-potties in everyone brains after I’m done with them.

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80 Responses to Escaping To The Great Outdoors?

  1. thea says:

    I’ll come pick you up.

  2. Maddy says:

    Are you sure? I mean, I dont want to cause any trouble

  3. Mallory says:

    maddy id go if i didnt have meeting. ive been wanting to meet kipper too. take pictures for me!

  4. thea says:

    Hey, I can send some. I have a picture of him after his bath. I’ll email it to you right now.
    Check your emails after a second.

  5. Maddy says:

    Ha.. I will.

  6. Maddy says:

    Oh to me to?

  7. thea says:

    Check your emails. I’ve just sent it.

  8. Mallory says:

    is that legal?

  9. thea says:

    He said he’s 27. Maddy, you can ask your mom to open the email with you.

  10. Maddy says:

    Oh he is so cute!

  11. thea says:

    Maddy, I do love you. You have been a good sport.
    Just kidding about Kippy. I couldn’t resist.
    (But, really… it is fun to play with Kippy. Trust me… you’ll have to meet his parents ;) )

  12. thea says:

    Do you forgive me?
    And may I do a Kippy blog where you make a cameo appearance?

  13. Maddy says:

    Oh thea. I do love you to. This has been hard, Im gonna go eat some watermelon

  14. thea says:

    Cameo appearance – honorable, short appearance as befitting a star where their reputation and name are more important than their role.

  15. Maddy says:

    i forgive you. Im all for the kippy blog

  16. thea says:

    Thank you, sweetie!

  17. Maddy says:

    wait so did kippy really e-mail u say that? or were u kidding about that 2?

  18. The Kipper says:

    Hey!!What happened to all the rest of the blog comments and all of our snappy banterings? OK…I think I’m getting all shy now! FYI: I am not a Chucky, but I do like going to Chucky Cheeses, is that about the same? I am a very sensitive little fur ball with real feelings that are easily stepped on. Restitution can always be made by taking me to Toys R Us or some other reputable toy store. McDonalds is my favortie restuarant, but we hardly ever get to eat there because my Mammy loathes the food. I like the happy meals. My Mammy is stiil working on sending lots and lots of really cute pictures of me and my brothers to Auntie Thea. Auntie Thea and Uncle Randy have been my auntie and uncle since I was bornded. I think that I am there most favorite of all my brothers and me. Lots and lots of people all over the United States grew up with me and my brothers. You can ask most anybody in Farmington and West Fork, Arkansas about me and my brothers. I hope they are nice when they tell you their stories about me and my brothers.

  19. The Kipper says:

    Hey Maddy! It i I, the Kipper!!

  20. The Kipper says:

    I meant to say IT Is I, The Kipper!!!

  21. Maddy says:

    Oh hello The kipper! How are you doing today?

  22. The Kipper says:

    Hey, I just got back from chasing pretty birds with my Mammy!

  23. Maddy says:

    Oh that sounds like fun!

  24. The Kipper says:

    Auntie Thea will have to show you our pictures…unless she already deleted them.

  25. The Kipper says:

    It’s my bedtime.

  26. thea says:

    I didn’t delete them, Kippy. I just can’t figure out how to save this new batch like I did the other ones. I can tell this might take awhile. Memory cells, like eyesight, is the apparently one of the first things to go.

  27. Mallory says:

    Kippy I saw some pictures! I think you are cute :).

    Thea, will you come work for me today?

  28. thea says:

    I’m not leaving my chair today. I think my bottom is glued down.
    And I’m not talented enough. If I did a back flip I would snap something.

  29. Mallory says:

    You don’t have to do backflps…just watch 40 little kids. ;) I’m just teasing. If I had the choice I’d glue my bum to the chair :D

  30. The Kipper says:

    Hey! I just got back from going to McDonalds with My Mammy and Daddy. Guess what? I got a new pocket watch with the angry gingerman on it! He was in my Happy Meal!!

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