Get your motor running . . . head out on the highway . . . looking for adventure . . . for whatever comes my way . . .

Like delicious barbeque, blues music . . . and, ummm . . . deafening noise, alcohol . . . and, uh . . . road rash, and enough leather to shoe a small dictatorship. 

This weekend is Fayetteville’s annual festival of Bikes, Blues, and Barbeque.   Motorcycle lovers from all over the U.S. roll into town on their machines for a three day celebration. 

Some think this festival is a good idea.  Money, along with some of the world’s most amazing bikes, come into town.  People get to celebrate.  For many it is a chance to step out of their work-a-day lives and rebel a little.  Grow stubble, gorge on sugar, fatty red meat, and beer, listen to loud music, and dance in the streets before going back to their real world of mortgages. 

However, you can always tell the Wannabe’s from the True Bikers. 

Wannabe’s are people who normally make house payments, work at a desk, and have healthy children and grandchildren.  You can tell who these are at a glance.  Their motorcycles cost more than my parents’ house.  Their stubble is all one length and clean.  Their leather is more supple than a designer sofa.  Their skin gets plenty of Omega-3 oils from their diet of grilled Mahi-Mahi.  And they wear jewelry that doesn’t have skulls worked into the precious metal.

A true biker is also obvious at a glance.  A true biker has a motorcycle that scares most sane people.  As to stubble, the women are hairier than the men.  A true biker’s leather looks like Naugahyde that’s been hit with grapeshot, and they have all obviously spent their lives eating, bathing, and finding love at gas stations.  They are a virtual symphony of Budweiser, Cheetoh’s, and Slim-Jims.  I’m especially taken with the food-festooned ponytails, the facial tattoos, and the women.  The women range in size from scraggly to Shamu, and they are very gracious, especially when they swear like . . . well, a biker, and flash people on the highway when they ride pillion.  

You mix these two elements:

 And you inevitibly get a combination of these two:

In theory, this festival should be a good thing.  But in reality, you cannot invite all of America’s bikers to one small area and not expect to get a staggering amount of ex-cons, pre-cons, and fugitives attending.  I am hearing several sirens blaring as I write this.  This is a common sound during Bikes, Blues, and B-B-Q.  I am thinking that we should rename this event ‘Organ Donors, Dregs, and Bounty Hunters Festival.’

Remember, to leave a comment, click on the ‘Comments’ tag at the end of this blog, and don’t forget to check out the latest Photoblog on the right!

And now . . . to prove my point, actually . . . click on the link below and watch:

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13 Responses to BIKES, BLUES, AND B-B-Q

  1. Bonny says:

    Good description of two types of bikers! go for the other ones! Whats up with the revvving?…the sign coming into town by Drake field says:”welcome to Fayetteville, please ride quietly” (seriously!!!)

  2. Samudra says:

    Boy, you need good wheel alignment to drive yr car like that!

  3. Thea says:

    Bonny, it’s funny to me how the Wannabe’s think they blend in when really they are like a Ralph Lauren ad for some Italian racing motorcycle.
    I hadn’t seen the sign yet out by Drake Field.
    How funny! :)

  4. Thea says:

    Samudra :)… The traffic was that bad. For most of my 30 minute trip to the Mexican restaurant just down the road (only 2 miles), I was stuck.

  5. Kipper says:

    My Uncle Markie is a real biker. His Harley sleeps in the living room at his house! My Uncle Markie got road rash so bad one time he had to have skin grafts taken from off his behinder and build a new part for the bottom of his leg that got ripped off when he and his Harley went flying over the hood of the old guys’s car, after the old guy pulled out in front of my Uncle Markie when he was riding his bike down Hwy. 45 at 55 m.p.h. We didn’t see him for a couple of months and then he showed up one Sunday for dinner. Way long after it all happened. Then he told my grandma. He was probably at the rally, too. He’s a member of the Southern Brotherhood. He’s the one with the long thick braid down to his waist and he has a goatee and a beer belly. He looks like my Mammy, ‘cept her belly doesn’t come from beer. Mammy doesn’t have a goatee either. And his hair is longer than Mammy’s.

  6. Thea says:

    Wow, Kipper! That’s what you need to get a picture of! You and Felix on a motorcycle! You can be like your uncle Markie :)

  7. Slarty says:

    Yes, the Bikes, Blues and BBQ also brings bikers our way. Eureka gets the left-overs…all of the bikers that don’t fit in Fayetteville. Besides that, its Corevette weekend.

    Have you ever noticed the ridiculous biker “wave”? The arm down and out to the side…finger pointing down. That gets my mom and me everytime. It’s so funny.

  8. Purplume says:

    OMG. Love the hairy description of the women. You mean I could give up shaving if I became a biker?

  9. Thea says:

    Yes, Purplume… I think it’s a requirement.

  10. I get pretty tweaked hearing one motorcycle rumble down our road. I can’t imagine a whole festival. It must be deafening, but I guess you can put up with anything for the sake of commerce.

  11. Thea says:

    Ah, Joey… If only I had a business. That’s my problem :)
    Seriously, from what I understand, the town makes enough money from the festival to tide them over all year.

  12. Erika says:

    You are the 3rd blogger I know from Fayetteville! That is nuts!

    This festival reminds me of Sturgis is one of the Dakotas. The owner of my husband’s company goes there ever year with his wife. They have their Harleys shipped to the festival and I just laugh my head off!! Who ships their bikes to a bike rally?!

    Great post!

  13. Thea says:

    Thank you, Erika!

    Wow! Three bloggers from Fayetteville? We must be a gassy town :) And I’m definitely with you on ‘Why ship the bikes?’ Mark that up to yet another thing that separates the Wannabe’s from the true bikers.

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