WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT?

Last Tuesday I went to the doctor for my biannual tune-up, and was told that if I didn’t exercise I will be one of those people one hears about on the news.  One of those thousand pounders who had to be lifted out through the skylights via crane when they died.  Not that I’m a 1000 pds now, nor do I have a skylight with which to exit the building.  It’s just that my endocrine system has gone off the rails, and exercise, apparently, will  put it back on track . . . along with about 6 months of pills, no milk products, no white bread, and no pork.  Goodbye frozen mochas.

Now what to do about the exercise part?  I am not one for punishing my body. . . unless it’s with a side of bacon . . . and I never thought it necessary to ‘feel the burn’.  In Japan these people live past their 90’s without ever once feeling the burn, whereas Americans have been known to drop dead on their treadmills.  A plate of sushi verses a protein bar . . . that’s a no-brainer.  

Also, I will never jog.  If it was so wonderful, then why aren’t joggers smiling?  They all look like they’re one step away from chest pains.  The only time I will jog is if I have to flee for my life.  Right now, a brisk walk for 20 minutes a day is good enough.  Only if it isn’t raining.   Or snowing.  Or 100 degrees. 

Unfortunately, that pretty well leaves out doing it in the Mid-Central United States, which is where I live.  Unless I can ride a wave to Hawaii, I’m not walking anytime soon unless it’s from my car to the doors of Wal-mart.

There was no getting out of it . . . My husband and I were going to have to buy some sort of indoor exercise equipment.  Since our house is relatively small, the only place we could place said equipment would have to be smack in the middle of traffic flow.  Therefore, it could not be one of those treadmills that needs its own spare bedroom.  It could not be one of those stairclimbers, either.  If I wanted to climb stairs to nowhere I could just get a couple of cinder blocks.  It was going to have to be an exercise bike.

My husband and I went out Wednesday afternnoon to hunt for one.  It couldn’t cost a gazillion dollars because, well, we had much less than that.  We found an ancient one for $20 in a thrift shop, but neither one of us enjoyed the loud clacking noise it made when the pedals moved.  It was as if Grandma had lost her dentures in the gears right before she died, and her relatives didn’t bother to remove them before the house clearance. 

It also couldn’t be one of those total body workout bikes . . . the kind that works your upper body at the same time.  My arms are not longer than my legs.  I didn’t need gyrating handlebars to smack me in the “chest” and knock me off my seat . . . as they did when I tried one out in Wal-mart.  Apparently, they make these exercise bikes for gorillas.  (My apologies to all those taller people out there who have the body length to use one.)

We tried everything to find an exercise bike that I could use.  Craigslist, the mall, Wal-mart, thrift stores, pawn shops.  Then I found it . . . in K-Mart if you can believe it.

Who would’ve thought?  Originally priced at $170, it was knocked down to $99, and then to $49.50.  They had one left.  We bought it and brought it home.  

My husband had it assembled and in place the next morning.  When I got up, I was greeted by this:

Guess what I did for 2o minutes this morning?

Remember, to leave a comment, click on the ‘Comments’ tag at the end of this blog, and don’t forget to check out the latest torture devices in the Photoblog on the right!  Just put your cursor over the picture to read the caption, or click on one if you want to leave your comment.

And now, how to look cool when you exercise – click on the link below and watch with the sound up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VtTzI69hvw&feature=related

Have fun!

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20 Responses to WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT?

  1. Snuffygump says:

    Go Thea! Perfect! You’ll be ready to scale the trails your ultimately heading for up this way in 7 month’s. Elmo has been drawing pink chocolate chips on the calendar for everyday that passes by that will bring you and Randy closer to Montana.
    Having spent a few thousand miles riding a stationary bike to nowhere, let me recommend that you immediately start looking for this neccessary bicycle seat accessory: the gel cushion. You sure don’t want to be bow legged. You will get my drift on this, soon enough. Another item needed to cut down on the mind numbing (speaking of things going numb) aspect of this otherwise rewarding venture, is some robust music to listen to….. I know! You quoted the words from a classic just in your blog on Bikes, Blues and BBQ! You know: Get your motor running…head out on the highway…looking for adventure….for whatever comes my way. I always knew you were born to be wild!

  2. Thea says:

    Perfect biker song!! No matter what bike you’re on!
    Though… I am picturing it… me, with that song… on a stationery bike in my pajamas…

    And too true about the seat. I’ve already figured out that when a person gets older, their fat turns into under-filled water balloons. No cushioning there… I’ve already been plotting what to do to pad the bike though I don’t have the extra $ right now to get a gel seat cover… or two…

  3. Elmo says:

    Dear Auntie Thea, Hi! It’s me, Elmo! Mammy says I gotta start riding my bicycle everyday. She says we got to support you! Mammy says she will begin to support you after we get back from our Kayak River Hiking Carb Eating Sleep Fest. Mammy says that the key part of the fest that would make her a hypocrite now, if she said today she was supporting you, is the part where it says Carb. I’m starting today. But I will eat cookies on our trip too, but that doesn’t count cause I’m only 3.

  4. Thea says:

    Yay, Elmo! I sure could use the help in keeping up my program. I’ll be thinking of you and your Mammy supporting me while I’m chafing and numbing myself to a healthier body!
    Tell your Mammy to eat some cookies for me!

  5. Lisa Bauer says:

    “Thea’s Corner” has become multi layered. Looks like a good one… bike that is. I always found that the bike & a horse had a similar effect on the derrie’re (ouch) . The advantage of a stationary bike… no bucking or running away with you! At any rate sounds like you got a good deal.

  6. Thea says:

    A real horse actually sounds like fun, Lisa, except I’m … well… you know, too lazy.
    So… when I get off my stationary bike can I say, ‘Boy, that really chaps my hide?’ – like a cowboy? Because… you know… it does. Until I can get a gel seat :)

  7. Purplume says:

    Oh boy, cycling – good for you. When I was a a student I got a stationary bike and actually used it.
    My credo is to do exercise that you enjoy. I think I’ll go look for handsome men to chase.

  8. Thea says:

    LOL! Get some good track shoes, Purplume. :D

  9. Slarty says:

    We don’t smile when we jog to avoid bugs in the teeth. I like your bike. And I like your bike next to the picture of a bike. Who needs a gel seat…just wear several pairs of underpants for extra padding. Just kidding. Keep up the good work!

  10. Thea says:

    Hi, Slarty! We’ve been missing you!

  11. Snuffygump says:

    Say!….Slarty is on to something! I was also thinking you could buy a bunch of those gel shoe inserts and kind of piece them together on the bike seat. It might be cheaper than the custom bike gel seat.

  12. Thea says:

    No, they’re not. I need those too.
    I’m thinking – go to Hancock Fabrics, get a small, uncovered pillow, and tie it on.
    To the bike seat. Not me. Once I stood up from exercising, I’d never find it again.

  13. Slarty says:

    Depends.

  14. Slarty says:

    Get it?

  15. Snuffygump says:

    Well, if that’s the problem, buy some velcro. Sew some strips on your exercise panties and sew the other side of the strips to the exercise pillow. Oh, I don’t know if that would work, you’d probably end up feeling like you had long cockleburrs in the wrong place. How about gel inserts on the inside of your thighs? I really am trying to help! I used to have one of those stupid gel seats and I think I may have just given it to a junk store, because no one would buy it from me at the yard sale. No one knew what it was , that should tell you something. I highly doubt I still have it, but next time I go to our storage unit and can remember while I am there, I will search for the thing. I do think that I folded up a small hand towel and strategically placed it on the offending site of the bike seat.. Or I just dreamed I did that and you’ll try it and burst out bleeding.

  16. Thea says:

    Exercise panties?
    :D
    I think I’ll probably just use a pillow. Or shoot up with novacaine before I jump on.
    That towel thing sounds painful. I probably would “burst out bleeding”. Or at least a cold sweat.

    Slarty – “Depends” :D :D :D ! Good one :)
    (Anyway, I would rather wait until I’m 80 before I go through the Wal-mart checkout with a package of Depends.)

  17. Snuffygump says:

    I thought of depends before, but didn’t write it, because I knew Slarty was going to say it. They make depends for 40 somethings,too!

  18. Thea says:

    Nope. I’m holding out until I’m 80.

  19. Snuffygump says:

    I hope that’s not the only thing you can hold.

  20. Thea says:

    Pretty much.

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