Last Tuesday I went to the doctor for my biannual tune-up, and was told that if I didn’t exercise I will be one of those people one hears about on the news. One of those thousand pounders who had to be lifted out through the skylights via crane when they died. Not that I’m a 1000 pds now, nor do I have a skylight with which to exit the building. It’s just that my endocrine system has gone off the rails, and exercise, apparently, will put it back on track . . . along with about 6 months of pills, no milk products, no white bread, and no pork. Goodbye frozen mochas.
Now what to do about the exercise part? I am not one for punishing my body. . . unless it’s with a side of bacon . . . and I never thought it necessary to ‘feel the burn’. In Japan these people live past their 90’s without ever once feeling the burn, whereas Americans have been known to drop dead on their treadmills. A plate of sushi verses a protein bar . . . that’s a no-brainer.
Also, I will never jog. If it was so wonderful, then why aren’t joggers smiling? They all look like they’re one step away from chest pains. The only time I will jog is if I have to flee for my life. Right now, a brisk walk for 20 minutes a day is good enough. Only if it isn’t raining. Or snowing. Or 100 degrees.
Unfortunately, that pretty well leaves out doing it in the Mid-Central United States, which is where I live. Unless I can ride a wave to Hawaii, I’m not walking anytime soon unless it’s from my car to the doors of Wal-mart.
There was no getting out of it . . . My husband and I were going to have to buy some sort of indoor exercise equipment. Since our house is relatively small, the only place we could place said equipment would have to be smack in the middle of traffic flow. Therefore, it could not be one of those treadmills that needs its own spare bedroom. It could not be one of those stairclimbers, either. If I wanted to climb stairs to nowhere I could just get a couple of cinder blocks. It was going to have to be an exercise bike.
My husband and I went out Wednesday afternnoon to hunt for one. It couldn’t cost a gazillion dollars because, well, we had much less than that. We found an ancient one for $20 in a thrift shop, but neither one of us enjoyed the loud clacking noise it made when the pedals moved. It was as if Grandma had lost her dentures in the gears right before she died, and her relatives didn’t bother to remove them before the house clearance.
It also couldn’t be one of those total body workout bikes . . . the kind that works your upper body at the same time. My arms are not longer than my legs. I didn’t need gyrating handlebars to smack me in the “chest” and knock me off my seat . . . as they did when I tried one out in Wal-mart. Apparently, they make these exercise bikes for gorillas. (My apologies to all those taller people out there who have the body length to use one.)
We tried everything to find an exercise bike that I could use. Craigslist, the mall, Wal-mart, thrift stores, pawn shops. Then I found it . . . in K-Mart if you can believe it.
Who would’ve thought? Originally priced at $170, it was knocked down to $99, and then to $49.50. They had one left. We bought it and brought it home.
My husband had it assembled and in place the next morning. When I got up, I was greeted by this:
Guess what I did for 2o minutes this morning?
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And now, how to look cool when you exercise – click on the link below and watch with the sound up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VtTzI69hvw&feature=related