Two days ago I ventured into the bizarre world of facial hair. Not growing it. I’ve been doing that for years, unfortunately. I’m talking about removing it. Specifically, removing it with hot wax. I had managed to put that beauty procedure off for as long as I could, but I am now somewhere between those women who enjoy a unibrow, and those who join circuses.
There was no way around it, I was going to have to start mowing.
Perusing my options, I saw wax strips, hot sugar wax treatments, and some kind of little mystery pad. One side seems to “crystallize the hair” while the other side buffs it off. Personally, I suspect some desperate housewife invented it by crossing a dog grooming glove with a brillo pad. No thank you.
‘No thank you’ to the sugar wax as well. According to the box’s warnings, if not heated properly, it becomes a cross between a fattening dessert and bubbling lava. If the resultant scarring stopped hair growth, then I would consider it, but I have seen too many hairy warts on people to hope for the best.
That left the wax strips. According to the box, the results last up to 8 weeks. All you do is warm the plastic encased smear of wax between your hands, peel plastic strips apart, stick them on the hair to be removed, and rip off. It sounded the least damaging, so I bought some and took them home.
Once home, I opened the box and read the instructions. Apparently, stupid people have been known to use these strips as well. There were warnings not to use them in your nose. Since I had no intention of doing that, I skipped on to the directions.
For best results, it read, hair to be removed should be at least one fourth inch long.
EXCUSE ME? Do they know how long a fourth of an inch is?
If you have to get to that state before you can wax, why bother?
Direction #5 also caused me concern: If strip is used on old people, skin may come off when pulled.
I tried it anyway.
It was as effective as a strip of scotch tape. As effective as scotch tape, but with messy repurcussions. Not only did it leave every hair still in place, it left the wax as well. Now my unwanted hair was encased in a shiny shell that not even tweezers could penetrate. Encased and fused to my skin. I looked like I had groomed with a block of cold lard, then sprayed my face with hair spray.
Hot water didn’t get it off. Scalding water did not remove it. Neither did nail polish remover. I stopped short of using Rit’s crayon and wax remover for fabric, and settled on rubbing it off with an eraser.
Well, it’s back to turbo tweezing for me . . .
And now, let me leave you with a far more disturbing picture than the one my words painted –
Do you have any of your own ‘hair-raising’ grooming tales you want to share? Remember, to leave a comment, click on the ‘Comments’ tag at the end of this blog, and don’t forget to check out the latest (unbelievable!) Photoblog on the right. Just put your cursor over the picture to read the caption, or click on one if you want to leave your comment.
And now, to watch a funny video that has absolutely nothing to do with the blog (thank goodness) – click on the link below and watch with the sound up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzRH3iTQPrk&feature=related