How Do You Know When You Are Overweight?

No one’s weight stays the same.  We start out microscopic and grow until we are born.  And if our mothers are fortunate, we are able to emerge into the cruel world without first getting our head stuck like a jawbreaker in a pop bottle.   And that is just the beginning.

We continue to grow.  We grow taller, grow our hair, grow a second set of teeth, and somewhere after all that, in theory, we should stop.  But we never do.  Over the course of our life we trade out our hair, our second set of teeth, and some of our heighth for a pot belly and a frivolous sprinkling of warts.  We pretty much morph like a Transformer until we die.

And in between all that, we gain weight . . . some in teeny increments . . . some in big, hefty walrus glops.

But how do we know when we are truly overweight?  Doctor’s charts abound, but one can never trust them.  The people that make up these charts also tell us that we ‘are what we eat’.  If that were totally true, my husband would be a fruit cup and I would be a bacon cheese-burger.  (You should see restaurant servers that have the misfortune to deliver the food to our table – they look as if the universe just tilted when I tell them I’m the one with the extra barbeque combo mega lard plate with a side of fries, and my husband is the one with the pineapple rings . . .)

So how does one know if they are truly overweight?  I have put together a small questionnaire that should help you arrive at an answer.

1.  When attempting a self-pedicure, are you forced to stop and rest after each toe so that the spots before your eyes subside, lest you inadvertantly clip off something important?

2.  Does your mattress look like a giant hotdog bun, minus the hotdog? 

3.  Everytime you stand up from sitting on the couch, do you find that you’ve lost yet another pillow?  Or maybe even your cat?

And . . .

4.  Can you carry the kindling in without using your arms?

If you have answered ‘Yes’ to these questions, then you are truly overweight.  Sumos might very well envy you. 

It’s time to quit the white bread . . .

. . . And take up exercise!  (A word of caution: push-ups are not for everyone.  It depends on the size of your belly versus the length of your arms.)


!!! ATTENTION !!!  Don’t forget to register on my Web site for a chance to win a free copy of my second book, ‘The Doll In The Wall’.  You can either click on the blue dot at the end of this blog, submit your name and e-mail (which will remain confidential), and leave a comment.  Or you can go to the right side of this page and Login to the Community Forums.  I will hold the drawing November 7th.

ttyl :)

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0 Responses to How Do You Know When You Are Overweight?

  1. erin adkins says:

    hey sweetie…registering to win a book! :0)

  2. Karen Wolf says:

    Hi that pig looks familiar…

  3. debi grimm says:

    ohhh i hope i win.. i hope i win.. click click…. lol…